Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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