I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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