p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
