Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
