pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am available for nakedness
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
