Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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