Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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