tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
