My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
