remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
