he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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