he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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