I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
