make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
