Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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