There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
