I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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