I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't deserve a penis
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
