Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
