the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
