This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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