i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
