I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
