Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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