You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
