white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
