The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
