Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
