May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
