Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Terrible idea I love it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
