so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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