Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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