She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
