hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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