He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
