Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
