oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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