I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
