p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
