I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
