You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
