Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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