I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize