Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize