I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
