fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
