What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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