Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
