I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
