Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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