I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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