And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
