i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
