I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have tasted many bathrooms
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