the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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