Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
