She said her name was "party"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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