I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
