I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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