I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
