Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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