There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
