I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's never too late to be topless.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
