I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
