My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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