just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
