she looked like the before picture.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
