that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
