You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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