I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
