**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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