She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
