If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
