You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
