Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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