k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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