You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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