this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
