Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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