I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
