tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hippo gnu deer
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have already put on my inside pants.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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