New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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