Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
