Apparently you make a good broom.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The convent might be a nice break from real life
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
