My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize