My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
