i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize